The Week 2 Game Thread: Hope, Horror and Slippery-Handed Wombles

Every Steelers game is better when you suffer through it with people who understand, and this week’s UK Steelers Facebook Game Thread delivered another complete emotional workout.

The evening began in deceptively cheerful fashion. There were birthday roast dinners, Bettis jerseys being deployed to improve the running game, wine being opened and one supporter proudly announcing that, at 55, he had successfully cast his phone to a television for the first time. Unfortunately, after completing this technological miracle, DAZN greeted several viewers with absolutely no sound.

Still, spirits were high. The greetings rolled in, the black and gold were on screen and there was genuine belief that Pittsburgh could build on Week One. Even those who weren’t feeling particularly confident were at least ready to be proved wrong.

That optimism lasted roughly as long as the opening offensive possession.

Instead, the conversation quickly settled into what would become the theme of the evening: an offensive line struggling to protect Aaron Rodgers or create anything resembling a consistent running lane. Pressure arrived almost immediately, running backs were being hit at the line of scrimmage and every attempted drive felt like hard labour.

Laura awarded joint first place in the week’s “Negative Nelly” competition to everybody in the thread.

With the game deteriorating, Philip attempted to restore morale with the inspirational tale of a shipwrecked sailor who survived at sea, finally reached land and was welcomed by the locals—who then killed and ate him.

It was that sort of night.

There were occasional signs of life. Germie Bernard began making plays and quickly became one of the few genuine positives. Every catch brought a mixture of surprise, delight and immediate calls for the rookie to receive a five-year, $120 million contract. Pat Freiermuth offered another reliable outlet, while a Travis Homer run was celebrated as though Pittsburgh had just discovered an entirely new form of offence.

But every step forward seemed to be followed by something ridiculous. One promising sequence descended into chaos and eventually produced a fourth-and-43. The thread moved rapidly through shock, laughter and existential despair. “Don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’ll do both,” was probably the only rational response.

The second half briefly gave everyone something to believe in. Patrick Queen made a huge play, Nick Herbig continued building his fan club and the defence once again handed possession back to the offence. “Okay…now we have the ball…let’s DO SOMETHING!” pleaded Kerry, perfectly capturing the feeling across the thread.

Frustration with Metcalf grew throughout the game. There were questions about his confidence, his status as a genuine number-one receiver and, inevitably, the size of his contract. Suggestions that somebody find him some glue were among the more diplomatic contributions. Jason wondered whether Metcalf and Chase Claypool had ever been seen together, while Philip eventually dispensed with detailed technical analysis and simply demanded that the “slippery-handed womble” catch the football.

The biggest anger was reserved for the offensive line. Years of investment have still not produced a unit capable of controlling a game, protecting its quarterback or reliably moving defenders in the running game. By the closing stages, supporters were already asking which offensive lineman Pittsburgh would draft in the first round next year. There was broad agreement that Rodgers was far from the only problem; no quarterback could be expected to function consistently behind protection like this.

There were diversions into square pizzas, KFC tenders, Ed Sheeran, Oldham Athletic, McDonald’s, guardian caps, survivor pools and slippers for pet eels. Every fresh disaster produced another joke, GIF or magnificently British substitute for swearing. “Oh bother,” “Oh baloney” and “Geez Louise” all featured before patience finally disappeared completely.

The final mood was weary rather than apocalyptic. It was a game to forget, the offensive line requires serious improvement and the Steelers cannot expect the defence to rescue them every week. But it is still early, the Ravens lost, Germie Bernard gave us something encouraging—and everyone will be back to suffer together again next week.

Because if you can’t laugh, you’ll cry.

Join us in the UK Steelers Facebook Group next game day and follow the Game Thread from kick-off to the final whistle. Whether you’re watching at home, in the pub, on holiday or surreptitiously following along at work, it is the closest thing to sitting in a room full of Steelers fans without needing to leave your sofa.